• Dog: WAT DOING
  • Me: Nothing. I just stood up.
  • Dog: WHERE GO
  • Me: I'm literally walking 3 feet away. I'm not even leaving the room.
  • Dog: CAN I COME
  • Me: I mean sure but I'm literally just-
  • Dog: I COME TOO
  • Dog: WAT DOING
  • Me: I need to open this door.
  • Dog: I HALP
  • Me: No but you're in front of the door. Move please.
  • Dog: I HALP
  • Me: Sigh.
  • Dog: WHERE GOING
  • Me: I am going right back to the exact place I was sitting a second ago.
  • Dog: CAN I COME
  • Me: Sure.
  • Dog: I SIT IN LAP
  • Me: No please don't you are-
  • Dog: I SIT IN LAP
  • Me: No there's no room and-
  • Dog: LAP
  • Me: No, sit on the floor and I'll pet you.
  • Dog: RIGHT HERE
  • Me: That's literally on top of my leg.
  • Dog: IT'S PERFECT PET ME
  • Me: I am petting you. One second, let me just grab my glass-
  • Dog: PET ME PET ME PET ME PET ME
  • Me: I literally am petting you, I just needed a drink-
  • Dog: PET ME PET ME PET ME PET ME
  • Me: I AM
  • Dog: I SIT IN LAP
  • Dog: PET ME PET ME PET ME
  • Dog: HOLD SLOBBER TOY
  • Dog: SNEEZE IN UR FACE
  • Me: .......
  • I began to realize how important it was to be an enthusiast in life. If you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it full speed ahead. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it and above all become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good.
    ― Roald Dahl (via nonelikejesus)

    bagellie:

    benefits of being friends with me

    • shitty jokes whenever you ask for them
    • shitty jokes whenever you don’t ask for them
    Anonymous: what's vegemite?

    australian-government:

    when people first moved to Australia there was nothing to eat. our great great grandparents decided to gather all the vegetables they could find and decided to mix them together and that’s how vegemite was first created. People started eating it and developed superpowers. I still remember the day i had my first bite…minutes laters i was able to read people minds. the government realized how powerful it’s that’s why you’ll only find it in Australia. We need it to fight the dangerous animals that live here…we need it to survive.

    yolownly:

    homeostasis-central:

    richwhitelesbian:

    we need some new and more powerful swears

    image

    the elder swear

    cubrone:

    cubrone:

    knightscrest:

    dating an identical twin scares me bc what if i get them confused

    i read a book once where this girl was romantically involved with this guy who had a twin and they would punk her all the time and be like which one is your boyfriend you have to kiss the right one and then it turned out one of them was evil and trapped her in a dungeon with a bunch of rats or some shit

    but that’s like, worst case scenario

    santatveit:

    going back to school after a break is like when you pause a video game to go pee and when you come back you forget how intense and chaotic everything was when you paused it and the second you unpause it all your enemies collectively punch you in the face

    zbrexx:

    zbrexx:

    how did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

    he gave her a ring image

    preys:

    Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” as a swear word